Deciphering the truth in a culture of false.

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Director Needed for Broadway Play Called: AMERICA

If we had to choose one of the Presidential Candidates, who would the actors choose as their director?

Actors want their show to run smoothly? Yes or No? ALWAYS YES. DUH.

Now, if we could choose any Presidential Candidate, President or Ex-President as an example of the best director of a show called America, we would all choose Ronnie Reagan. Hands down, two-thumbs up, right?

Did you know that Ronald Reagan was an actor raised as a liberal Democrat? Democrat Franklin D. Roosevelt was his inspiration for continuing to get involved in politics throughout his life despite his day job of being an actor. He was also a director though. Not of any shows that I know of, but as the President of his class in college and then as the President of the Screen Actors Guild he showed he had the wherewithal to be a man of many talents. He even took on a business role when he held a Sunday show traveling around informing people about GE products and speaking with executives of other companies in regards to business in America. However, eventually Democrats persecuted him for the conservative views he was inspired by such as anti-communism, fiscal responsibility and anti-big government. So he was forced to change his affiliation to the Republican Party. Remember that last part, because it’s pretty important.

Well, we can’t go back to the 80’s as bad as we want another chance to wear parachute pants, we just can’t. So given our choices today, why are celebrities and actors seeming to side with someone who ironically may not be their actual first choice if they had to decide who would run their show if it were an actual show? Still with me? Why would they be drawn to say they are inspired by someone and so therefore say it is a good idea for all of America to be inspired by them as well? Why would they do that? Let me explain.

While actors tend to be very popular they are not “cliquey.” They are popular and they do what is popular but tend to remain fairly independent. They have a lot of friends, but not too many “best” friends if you know what I mean.

And if there is one thing that is true about all actors, it is that they love to be in the limelight. They can’t help it. It’s in their DNA and what gives them the ability to be actors. Like a moth to a flame, etc. etc. This is what draws them to President Obama. He offers them the limelight, not necessarily popularity, but that doesn’t really matter to them. Consequences, smonchemences. Let me explain, further. If Obama invites you to the White House for dinner, nothing else matters. Fans opinions have nothing over being a part of something exclusive. Actors learn early on that fans opinions are not of their control anyway. They say what is popular, and their fans do it. Not the other way around.

So how do I know so much about the psychology of actors? “No comment” as they say in Hollywood when there is something people actually want them to say. Let’s just say I spent a lot of time in the world of theatre/radio/television and film in my younger days. My main job was on stage but I dabbled in the world of stage crew too. And I have to say I definitely preferred the backstage crew. Being in the back was like being in reality. We were building; running things, making sure the show went perfectly. On stage you just had to learn your lines and take direction well while constantly staying “in character”. Actually, you didn’t even have to get the lines right until absolutely necessary. Procrastination was an assumed natural handicap.

The one thing that I know we all wanted though, was whether you were an actor or on stage crew or light crew or costume crew, prop crew, or on whatever crew, you wanted the show to run well and the only way to do that was having an excellent director. The director knows how to do everything. He/she knows how to act and direct. He/she makes sure the house crew markets the show immensely and that the tickets are sold and not given away. They’re in charge of the budget of the show. They are in charge of what the costumes and the set will eventually be designed like. He/she knows how to build stuff and has to know how to show others how to build stuff. He/she needs to know the difference between stage left and stage right. He/she needs to be able to tell the actors when they are about to fall off the stage.

I know everyone would like to think of their president as someone they would also like to be friends with. Now, I would like to be friends with my director too, but at the same time I know he is going to give me criticism when I need it and can fire my ass at any moment. And I hope to God he would have the balls to fire anyone who sucked, because it would make the show suck. Not even a tiny little bit of crap can be tolerated in Broadway, so why would we tolerate that in the big show we call America?

Ronald Reagan was a great actor and a great director, so to speak, diplomat and humanitarian. He could do it all, could he not? We want him back so bad it hurts! We all want him back. If Ronnie could come back through Theresa Caputo from time to time we would vote for her. But we can’t. So here’s the thing. Republicans worship President Ronald Reagan for a reason. They identify with him. In other words they want to be like him and represent him proudly. More to the point, we want our leaders to be like him. Romney is not Reagan, but he represents and is a part of a whole team that is all about what Reagan believed in; running the show well.

Now, here’s the moment of truth. Who would be the better director if we were putting on a show called America? Would you hire President Obama or Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney to direct your show? I have to say, just going by the man’s experience, I would definitely cast Obama in the show, because he’s a great actor, but I don’t know if he even knows what a fresnel is or what it does.  Therefore, I couldn’t even count on him to approve a good lighting design.  However, since Mitt Romney has directed such things in the past like oh, THE OLYMPICS; one of the biggest shows in the world, I’d have to say he’d get the job. For some reason I just get the feeling President Obama wakes up every day and says “Macbeth” before his first sip of coffee.

Well, Lacee, you say. This is not a Broadway show this is reality. This is a reality show, baby. Real people don’t run on scripts.

And to that I retort: I think it is a play and we do run on scripts that we write out for ourselves every day. We depend on our leaders and caretakers to keep our lives going in the right direction hence the very real need for someone to be helping with all that, a director. A real President of the United States is a job that is one that most certainly is if not more than equivalent to a title of Director. Besides reality shows aren’t really reality either, are they? I mean really. I’m just sayin’.

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JOIN R.A. REPUBLICANS ANNONYMOUS

I think it’s about time someone from the Republican campaign just took the time to lay it all out there. Just tell the people what is up with what Republicans believe. I’m not Karl Rove or anything, but I think it ought to come from Mitt Romney himself and P.D.Q. Here’s what I would say if I were him.

Hello, my name is Mitt, and I’m a rich man. I’m standing before you and I admit it. Yes, my name is Mitt and I AM a rich man. I’ll own it.

There is certainly a lot of discussion out there about being rich or poor. That people who are rich will always be rich and that poor people will always be poor. Rich people do nothing for anybody but themselves and poor people can do nothing for themselves. Is that how you see it? Funny, I always thought America was about poor people who thought they could be rich if they really wanted to be and then did. America is where we break through those glass ceilings and say nothing is always the way it is.

Let me tell you about two sons I know. They both worked for Dell Computers way back before Dell was DELL. One man’s father was a middle to upper income earner, a CFO, while the other’s father came from Mexico as a migrant worker picking watermelons. One day these sons tell their fathers to invest in Dell because they see customized computers as the future.  So the dads do this, each father taking what they think they can spend on the investment. Now you might imagine the migrant worker invested less than the wealthier CFO, but we’ll never know for sure. He was unable to speak much English and had no idea what a Dell computer was until his son started working there. Some years later, the CFO father grew “un-enchanted” with the computer company and decided to cash out of his slow if not motionless investment. The migrant worker dad on the other hand, out of love and respect for his son, faithfully kept what little money he had in Dell despite his poor means. He just worked harder to make ends meet. A couple years later, Dell Computers turned the whole technology market on its head. Stock price for this company skyrocketed and then split… then split again. The migrant watermelon picker was now a multi-millionaire and the CFO dad was just as moderately wealthy as he always was. In America, both had equal opportunity to be extremely wealthy despite their backgrounds. There was no insider trading- just faith in a good business.

In America, poor people can become rich people and rich people can become poor people. There is no guarantee; there is only the right of pursuit. Now if you take the right of pursuit away, by telling people there is no chance so why pursuit…all you do is guarantee that most people will try less to succeed and try less to pursuit great things. I pursued great things, became rich and now that allows me to help you, uninhibited by my background. I heard a citizen say the other day, to a reporter, “Well Mitt is rich. Why would he want to bother with such a hard job as the President?” And the answer to that is because I can. And I can do this without having to be tempted by corruption. No one could ever pay me enough to do harm to my country. There isn’t one thing I need or want in my life more than the opportunity to save this country from ruin.

There are people in charge right now that clearly have no idea what they are doing. The polls show we agree we are not heading in the right direction. I understand the Obama Administration’s pride and why they are so frustrated by this failure. They had a revolutionary plan. Unfortunately, it’s not a working plan. It never was. It has failed because they don’t want to admit when they are wrong and they don’t want help. Have you ever seen this show called Kitchen Nightmare’s with a chef by the name of Gordon Ramsey? This guy comes in and tells the restaurant owners either that their kitchen is filthy, they are spending too much money, or too little money on good produce, their behavior towards their employees and customers need to change, the food sucks or all of the above. In each case the restaurant is going bankrupt, the owners are in debt up to their ears, they’re about to lose their home because that’s tied to the restaurant too, but still… because they had such great plans for the restaurant and it was their “dream” they don’t want to listen. They get angry. They get violent. They literally hate this guy Ramsey because they think he’s all high and mighty. They think he couldn’t possibly understand where they are coming from, the whole bit. He comes in, gives them all these alternative options. He makes changes to the menu and the decor. Overnight he makes real physical changes and helps change their attitudes whether they will admit it will work or not and then faithfully waits to see what happens. Suddenly everyone likes the food and surprise, the business grows. The families end up naming their children after Gordon and all live happily ever after. Now Gordon Ramsey isn’t an American citizen, so he can’t be nominated for President, so don’t even try it! Now here’s the thing. He goes back six months later to check on them and those owners who decided to be stubborn and go back to their old way and not listen to the expert went under. Those who refused to try and trust someone they thought was “out of touch” with them, lost out big time. Never to be recovered.

I don’t want that to be America. I am rich because I’m good at business and we need to change the way we do business in America. Forgive me for saying this but the majority of America’s problems right now are about money. We need the poor and the rich working together in America like we used to. Now those who have the money are literally unable to use it. People cannot get the loans they need. Workers cannot get paid. The way America used to do business is no longer possible because of the way the current administration chooses to run it. I’ll say it again. They don’t know what they are doing. People don’t want to do business with us anymore, in other words, people are going to stop coming to our restaurant if we don’t get it functioning as a modern, fresh and comfortable place to be.

They are telling you that by doing things right, what the Republicans think is right, that it will put hard working minorities “back in chains.” There is no skin color of the Republican Party. Anyone who says there is, is backwards. They want you to look backwards too. Doing it over and over and over again is intolerable. The hatemongering has got to stop! If you took us all and stuck us in a blender we’d be a very nice shade of brown. Our expertise, our experience, our love for our country and the great things about it has no class status. “Wise men profit more by fools, than fools by wise men; for wise men avoid the mistakes of fools, but fools do not imitate the good examples of wise men.” – CATO THE ELDER, c. 200 B.C. If you don’t want to work with rich people you’re missing out. If you don’t want to work with poor people, you’re missing out. Great educations come from working with both. That is why America has for centuries been so ahead of the curve. Our tolerance of each other, our abilities to make our differences work for us, make us smarter.

As people have actually tried to disrupt the harmony and our strides with civil rights, making us stop to question whether we should continue to keep working together, our country has become stagnate and numb. But here’s the trick. It’s only on the surface. The real truth about this whole campaign thing is that under all this media coverage of class warfare and anger, we are real people. We are a real country. We don’t hate each other. We’re angry because we feel we can’t make a difference in our financial status or communities. Opportunity has literally been snatched from our grasp. Because of fear, doors- as in opportunity, as well as the real doors to our homes and businesses… like our favorite restaurants are literally closing every day.

Speaking of closing doors. There is something I would really like to stop and that’s the bold face lies being told by those working for the Democratic Party to confuse you about the Republican policy. Republicans don’t hate gay people and we don’t have an ongoing war against women. We will not make it our focus to repeal gay marriage. Nor will we make it our focus to repeal Roe v. Wade. Furthermore, in case you were curious, none of our policies make the environment more polluted or the globe warmer either.

If that’s what you are afraid of, then you aren’t living in the real world. That’s where the Republicans and I live. I’m going to be real honest with you right now. So listen up. Our focus is saving the economy right now. Without an economy, we can’t do jack. That’s just the way it is. All the smart cars and healthcare in the world won’t save us if our economy collapses. This is what Republicans stand for right now. We will fix this problem carefully and methodically. To do this, despite popular belief, Republicans will not throw Granny off a cliff. I don’t even know how those actors got that wheelchair with granny up there. No, seriously. In fact, we only plan to cut spending on Medicaid by 3% compared to what Obama wants to spend. That’s hardly reducing grandma to eating cat food. In fact, once we get rid of Obamacare we can put the 716 billion Obama’s plan steals from seniors back in the Medicare pot. Another fact is that if we continue with Obama’s healthcare plan, Medicare for seniors will be completely insolvent in 12 years.

The model we are looking at for offering everyone a healthcare choice is doing better in use than we ever anticipated. It has cost 43% less than what we thought it would cost to implement and young people get to choose whether they want Medicare run by the government or get the equivalent of that cost to use towards a private insurance of their choice. This will drive the cost down with the good old’ American way. Competition. Competition means choice for everyone. Competition, in case you were wondering, isn’t the same as fighting each other.

If we can hold onto our thoughtless blurts of disgust and spontaneous angry reactions to the little stuff for just a while, we find we aren’t that upset after all. When we don’t waste the time responding to every word each other say with anger, we listen to the other guy a little more and understand where they are coming from a little bit better. Americans don’t ask each other whether we are rich or poor when we are fighting for our country. It’s not our style. We may not agree, but a compromise can surely be explored a lot easier on that safer frontier.

We built this country together. It seems like we haven’t built anything in a long time. That’s what it feels like. I know we can build a great future together. Would you rather let the government say they’ll come up with something to help you out and you don’t need to worry about what it is or what it costs? Or would you rather be involved by learning from and working with your countrymen to build something you believe in? I know, in fact I will guarantee you, as a successful business man who honestly cares about each and every one of you, if we all work harder, if we all work harder on working together we’ll all be a lot richer.

Stand with me. Support me and the other Republicans in your state. Don’t let them close more doors on opportunity. Let’s make more doors of opportunity! Thank you and God Bless America.

Okay, so I’m not as good as Mitt would be. I’m just sayin’.


It’s Adventure Time

There may be something wrong with having a tendency to see life through certain cartoons, but yah, here I go again. Like many Americans out there concerned with how the next election will turn out, I want to know how exactly the opposition to the Democratic Party will go about their plan of battle. I don’t know about you but I have battle plans constantly rolling around in my head, because well, I’m more than concerned. I’m borderline frantic. I’m on edge. I’m wondering if Mitt Romney and the campaign leaders will actually have the bollocks to take the gloves off and put forth the effort to beat the Democratic Party at its own game. So far, I think they are behind on getting this show on the road, but I can be patient… Okay, no I can’t. Might I relay some of my thoughts on the subject?

Is there anyone on the opposition of the Dems that can think like a liberal? I’m not saying is there a person that thinks this way all the time, just part-time, like on an “on-call” basis? This is very important, because there are certain liberal weaknesses we all enjoy and could be used like a bridge, a corpus callosum if you will, to the casm that spans our right brains and left brains. Weaknesses like our love for movies and cartoons.  It’s a welcomed weakness, but a weakness none the less because we tend to let our guard down when we are being entertained.

I heard two different references to the movie industry by conservative analysts in relation to how this campaign should be run. I think they are on the right track. Janine Turner made a comment about how actors in a great movie are super talented and feel bonded like one cohesive team. Dennis Miller referred to how Chris Christie running with Romney would be like Kevin Costner and Sean Connery in The Untouchables. Unstoppable. Bulletproof. That just shows how we are as conservatives seeking and longing for a hero. That’s thinking liberally in a good way. We know realistically that real heroes don’t run for the office of President and Vice President because they’re not stupid enough to walk into that burning building, but we are definitely wishing on a star aren’t we? I think we should prove to the other side that we haven’t lost that sense of wonder. Let’s show them we have a sense of adventure by showing what kind of change America can have when individuals like them imagine what can be built with a little hard work and cooperation. Why not think the whole campaign strategy could be a metaphorical representation of our ideal America and get the attention of a lot more of the folks who tend to think that way. Let me give you an example.

Cartoons are an art form and art was created to speak messages to us without having to actually be interested in the message. Even liberals turn on their right brains for anything that is portrayed as a display of “art”. I think this is why art can be so powerful.

Cartoons have this wonderful way of keeping our attention to the very end because we are being entertained instead of being brow beat by live people who want to get their point across. Even when they are completely demented, the good ones with a moral lesson intertwined, seem to be the most successful cartoons. Why? Because we want to be better people, we just don’t want to be told to be. In my spare time, I like to write children’s books and the best ones are those that teach a lesson without seeming like they are teaching anything. SpongeBob is a perfect example of how good moral behavior can be disguised behind strange behavior and be hugely popular. Now if you’ve never watched SpongeBob, you have no idea what I’m talking about. And if you’ve never watched SpongeBob you definitely have never watched a fairly new cartoon out there called Adventure Time.

Talk about art, Adventure Time’s artistic staff is absolutely stunningly talented. The colors and creativity that goes into each episode is entertainment alone. Then they add original musical pieces that are really quite clever and you have something any one with eyeballs would watch. That is my hope, because Adventure Time isn’t just a great cartoon it implies something very important about what kind of people we should all be, heroes in a world of uncertainty.

The problem with being a hero is that it’s complicated. That’s the main theme. To me that kind of sounds like a story about being American. Hey, this is art. I can interpret it how I want to. We are so powerful as a whole, but as individuals it seems we are losing our grasp of what we really need to do with our lives. Fin and Jake the dog (not his dog) are the heroes of our story who always want to be good and win battles for that which is good. Fin is a thirteen year old young man who metaphorically represents our youthful vision of America and the world. Jake, Fin’s best friend and a super stretchy shape-shifting dog represents the ever-expanding opportunity and freedom available in America that is to be taken advantage of in order to win. Princess Bubblegum, who is this super-genius sweetheart, represents the establishment, what is all-good and worth fighting for. It’s funny because she tends to create bad things by accident (like our government) and needs Fin’s help to get rid of them. One episode she created zombies and had to get Fin to keep it quiet while she worked on a cure or the candy kingdom would destroy itself in panic Essentially he had to make up and partake in what can only be described as a government cover-up while at the same time he righteously fought zombies to keep the unappreciative candy people safe. Tell me you don’t see a common theme here.

If you really observe closely you’ll see several poignant pieces with very American themes. A hero doesn’t mean always killing the foe, but sometimes it does. Sometimes you don’t recognize the foe because they are dressed in poor sad case clothing and pull at your heartstrings. Many times, it says you don’t know who your foe is until the very end no matter what you do. Sometimes there’s a possibility to solve problems with tools and technology and sometimes it takes brute strength to win. Sometimes you have to hold weak people up and sometimes you just have to teach them to turn their weaknesses into strength. Some problems are not your problem and you should stay out of it, but if it’s a situation where evil is present, it’s always your problem. Sometimes there are blood sucking dead girls that sneak into your house, but they’re not necessarily evil. Okay, I don’t know what that last one has to do with America, but my point is, this cartoon has some very conservative themes in it that are a joy to absorb. Just don’t tell any liberals you watch Adventure Time. Just like kids if they find out you like it they won’t watch it anymore.I’m just sayin’.

Once something is labeled as something with a moral backbone, you have to fight harder to make people pay attention. Everyone expects too much of individuals with moral messages all the while not even listening. Like Fin, a hero doesn’t always know what to say. Good people aren’t 100% good, but it doesn’t make us hypocrites either. Good people are sometimes violent and loud, because that’s what it takes. Good people plan because they don’t always know how to fix things on the fly. When people call you slow or lazy or unprepared in the meantime, do not quit. Never give up. Never surrender. Never be ashamed of being a methodical planner. Remember that Republicans! It’s such an adventure to be good.

With the new developments and precedents being set by the powers that be in America recently, I’m positive it is time to start hunkering down and becoming more aware of our hero work. A big part of that is making sure we have an America that can actually produce and house heroes. If we let America crash and worse yet go more towards and entitlement society, where we have to depend on the government for our scraps,individuals will become powerless and it will be too late. We are literally going to have to take advantage of all our tools, technology and tenacity to fight against the evil succubus that is in power today. I don’t know if that includes time to watch cartoons, but in light of what I’ve said about it, maybe you can relax a little knowing liberals and those who do not care about politics are probably sitting and watching something that is good for them too.

President Obama’s campaign spent more than $30 million to run TV ads on the subject of Romney being bad for American business for nearly three months even though the allegation that Mr. Romney “shipped jobs to China and Mexico” was called “misleading, unfair and untrue” by the Washington Post fact checker and labeled “bunk” in an editorial. The Annenberg Center’s FactCheck.org said it found no evidence to support the claim that Romney shipped American jobs overseas, but still the commercials and “legal slander” continue.

I would imagine that over the next few months they are going to try and go all out to widen the gulf between those who know how to make/save money and those who do not. They are going to try to paint a picture of business people and rich business people in particular as those who use sneaky tactics to make money. They will portray hard work as something only noble poor people do. They will make poor people feel even more hopeless about their attempts at hard work and saving by telling them that both the rich and the government are miraculous staples in this country that can never be matched or achieved or changed by the common man. They will tell us the only difference between the two is that rich people want to remain rich so they do anything, use any and all hidden resources to keep it that way and that in contrast the government uses its “magic” to help the people. They will tell us the only way to change things is to give the government more of our support not the “mysterious” rich business people.

So how do we counter this Cro-Magnon campaign? We can’t stay on the level and just keep up with the status quo. So far, Obama and the Dems are the status and we the Republicans, we’re the quo. Let’s say no to the quo. I say we need to go over the top imaginative. While they use their cash trying to lie and do those things I mentioned above, the Republicans, Independents, Tea Partiers and Dems who give a damn need to spend their money on wowing the hell out of us with a vision of a great future. Show it to us. I don’t care if you have to hire Steven Spielberg himself. We need to out liberal mind the liberals. The only thing liberals like more than dwelling in their own sorrow is being distracted from the pain with something spectacularly inspiring.

Show us how private people and rich businessmen with big imaginations turn the world around. Bring as many of these men and women to the table and relay their potential to as many Americans as possible. Show the world that we will not rely on the government to make the leading strides in technology. Show us how innovators like Burt Rutan and Richard Branson are going to go all “X Prize” on our ass. Show us how we will therefore breathe new life back into innovation, breeding business, more engineers and therefore more wealth. All those bridges and wonderful things we have were built by engineers not the government, President Obama. No, I didn’t build it, but some regular hard-working Americans did. The government may have given its permission to build the bridge, but they didn’t build it or even plan it probably. But you know what? That’s all it can do. Obama doesn’t want anyone to think about the fact that all the government can really do is give you permission to do something or not do something. Do you really want them to do this in all aspects of your life? You don’t even let your mom do that. Do you?

Back to the point. I think if we take the over the top, high energy, high special effect, historical fiction, science fiction-type approach we could really get more of the liberal types to open up their minds a little bit to our cause. That shouldn’t be as hard a trick as what Obama and the Dems have to do. They have to try to convince us that the government can do all that inventing and a bag chips too. Well, they have NASA, I guess. Oh, wait, no. They’re in the process of dismantling that. Hmm. I don’t know how they’re going to show us anything positive in motion for the future. The auto industry is doing just fine on its own, without any help from the government and has been for some time now. So I guess the car companies have already burst the government’s bubble on taking credit for that one too.

What it comes down to is this. Fight negative pseudos with positive pseudos. You can’t fight all Obama’s lies with the cold hard truth necessarily. We saw this when Romney had his “Night at the Apollo” as I like to call it. Even though the NAACP was slightly receptive to Romney’s speech in which he refused to pander it wasn’t exactly something that inspired anyone in the audience to vote for him. What I refuse to do in contrast to many of the commentators I saw who spoke about the speech Romney gave at the NAACP, is imply that the audience members were racist and would not vote for Romney because he doesn’t want to speak “their language”. That’s ridiculous. I think they will if he can inspire them. Remember, many African-Americans who were supporters of Obama are feeling in general, pretty darn used by the Obama campaign.

I think instead of using people or a particular group of people, we need to actually give them something they can use as a constituency to better their cause. If you give them something they need, their support will come. Come to think of it there are a lot of groups that have been used by the Obama campaign. They know they’re being used, they just expected something in return. “Dollar make me holler, honey boo boo.” Sorry, I had to. Find out what they need and use our imagination to actually give something to that effect to them. Anything is better than empty promises. Anything.

Republicans don’t need a miracle.  We just need to appeal to liberals’ better, let’s say more idealistic and prosperous nature. Let’s embrace our liberals with tattoos and show them how to be true rebels. Help them surprise the living hell out of employers by showing them how to get skills and education that overshadow how they look. Let’s be realistic. Employers are going to have to get used to working with tattoos just like they had to get used to working with women. We can be extremely distracting, but none the less can be invaluable assets to any team if we can bring the skills. Conservative leaders, surprise the hell out of liberals and other conservatives alike by supporting and appreciating the harmless if not good things about being liberal. In fact I think it would behoove the Mitt Romney campaign to recruit as many tattooed conservatives as they could find and publicize the hell out of them. They do exist! It won’t be an easy task but I think it’s worth it. Tattooed people talk to other tattooed people. That’s just a fact. Now you might say, well why don’t we just get old Mitt up there in the tattoo shop? Why don’t we all get holey faces and ink up our skin? Well, that would just be too contrived wouldn’t it and we don’t want to do that. I’m not getting a tattoo. I think I get more attention without them. Then again, I won’t be as effective at a biker rally as Spike with his Sarah Palin tattoo, will I? Isn’t politics exciting? Isn’t the whole thing a big dirty contrived mess? Absolutely, so we might as well make it worth our while and win the damn thing. Like I said, it’s adventure time!


The Church of Texas

So, Obamacare supporters, if you think you are on the winning side of things let me turn you around so you can see the back side of your head. Here’s my little mirror. Do you see it? It’s the bullet hole smoking in the middle.

We were sitting in the bathroom stall with a shaky gun pointed at our head and Obama just broke in and went ahead and pulled the trigger for us. If you hadn’t heard the “great news” just in time for the 4th of July holiday, we are about to be Canada, which is basically the same as committing suicide for any real American.

My husband’s boss is Canadian and when he visits here, he cannot believe how good we live here. He had no idea that our founding principles of commerce and competition were so absolutely relevant to our economy until he saw it with his own eyes and was able to compare.

Sigh. We were so lucky we were able to stick with our founding fathers’ wishes for so long. Now that is all about to change. If you’re not completely freaking out right about now, you should be. Trust me, everyone has something to lose. Here are some very recent numbers for you. I know you hate numbers as much as I do, but trust me these numbers are pretty easy to comprehend.

Canada’s tax rate is now about 55%. That means if you live in Canada over half of your money is the government’s. That’s it. Not to mention the fact that if that trend holds it won’t be long until 55% of the days you can’t go outside and 55% of the boys are actually girls, by our standards. That’s pretty devastating’ ey’. I’m soary.

Oh, wait! I forgot about the sales taxes in Canada. There are three different things they tax you for on every single item you buy. Goods and Services Tax (GST), and Provincial Sales Tax (PST) or Harmonized Sales Tax (HST) in some provinces, will be added at the time or purchase. Here in Texas we don’t have an extra income-tax, but we’re probably about to get that too. Are you ready for this “change”? I didn’t think so.

Sounds like it’s about time we start our own church and become a tax free, non-profit organization. And when I say we, I mean our whole damn state of Texas. I’m serious. It’ll be the church of Texas, where all like-minded souls can practice and preserve their traditional way of life, which of course includes their money.

Sound ridiculous and drastic? This is how the Freemason’s came to be way back in the 15th century. There were no banks or any organizations to protect your individual interests back then. Imagine trying to get a business loan from the King? They formed a “secret” (more like under the radar) savings and loan operation that was protected from the greedy clutches of the establishment. More importantly they formed this organization backed with hidden wealth so that if the establishment failed it wouldn’t, couldn’t, take them down with it. I suspect they are still doing this today. As for the rest of us, we may have to do something just as drastic, just so that we can have something to contribute to our kids’ future other than extreme debt.

Think about it. Suddenly we could all take advantage of discounted products bought by and then provided by our non-profit, tax-free privileged church. It’s basically a bank, but we’ll call it a church. Even though we’d have to file for non-profit status with the government, it would remain “under the radar” as much as possible to protect it from the IRS and SEC Nazis, but I’m sure there are some radical Muslim American “churches” out there we can get some advice from.

How it works is, everyone who has something to contribute to the cause and wants to preserve their wealth can “volunteer” these items to the “church” with the strict understanding that they can get all of that back anytime they want. What would be even better would be that if the wealth were to be converted into a gold/precious metal backed currency. I hear you chuckling. You laugh now, but if Texas had its own established currency, one that we were already using to trade with among ourselves, we wouldn’t be so worried about the dollar collapsing. We’ll probably have to secede from America to really protect it if the dollar ever did collapse, but that’s a different story. Well actually it’s part of the same story, but a little more hypothetical than most are willing to go right now. I’m just sayin’.

How ironic would it be if all the people who don’t like religion had to join one, just to be able to survive! Extreme tactics are the way my friends. Extreme stealth tactics are the only way to beat Obama’s extreme pseudos tactics and get him and his cronies the hell out of office so that we can salvage what’s left of our country. Everything else at this point is just noise. It sounds a lot like letting the air out of your tires, doesn’t it.

 

 

 

 


The Costume Parade

Weaving through the insanely crowded lobby of the school theatre I felt like I was taking my initiation into “stage motherhood” quite well. My two five year olds were scheduled to do two, yes, two “performances” in the Best of Broadway 2012 Showcase and I was thanking God they had managed to stay in relatively good physical shape before this day. Only minor visible cuts and bruises from biking and scooting too vigerously. Costume fittings, preordering lunch, preorder flowers, preorder tickets, find fishnet hose for 5 year olds,(which was actually surprisingly and maybe a little frighteningly easier than I thought it would be), dress rehearsal, photos, video, invite the family and friends, etc. There were so many things we as parents, a.k.a. mom, had to do to get to this day and here we were. Registering for college courses at The University of Texas was easier than this and probably cheaper too.

My husband sits and waits in the cafeteria comparing how much information he really knows about what is happening that day with the other dads. He is starting to get the picture that he is clueless. It’s not really fair to let him find out that way, but hey. It’s his own damn fault for never listening in matters such as this. I had to do all the leg work. Why should he get to walk around with all the confidence of a peacock while I try to figure out how to get my kid’s crazy hair to stay in a tight low bun for more than five minutes? Does HE he have to worry about the twenty sixteen year old ballet students needing to make a costume change giving him the evil eye because his kid decided she had to take a major five minute dumpy in the one bathroom five minutes before show time? NO, I don’t think so. Did he have to peel his daughters off of him as he placed them in the small prison room filled with screaming tiera wearing toddlers and preschoolers wearing itchy costumes?  And I have to say, “Have fun for the next three hours, okay?” As the moms too afraid to leave their kids, I mean “volunteer” moms stay and play with their iPhones and iPads I have to convince myself my kids are perfectly safe and supervised. For the sake of dance class? How is this worth it I’m thinking to myself, but on the outside I’m a proud mom ready to see my kids “have fun.” Does my husband still have the gall to ask me if I knew what I was doing? Yes, he did. Is he still alive you ask? Yes, but just barely.

Finally, they let the parents and obligated loved ones into the theatre. I think I’m so cool because we find the perfect spot, center stage. An hour and a half into the show, I’m not feeling so cool. I haven’t seen my kids perform yet, so I’m getting anxious. Oh, here they come! There they are! Oh, they’re so cute! They don’t have a clue of what they’re doing. One of my daughters is trying her hardest to keep up with the other girls but seems to be going the opposite direction no matter which way the other girls go. My other daughter, nicknamed the “dancing queen” at our house, mouth wide open, eyes wide open, literally looking like a terrified squirrel running around in circles trying to avoid an oncoming truck. Maybe 30 seconds later, it’s all over. THAT was awesome, I’m thinking. Actually, I was really excited they didn’t just stand there like many of the performances I had already been so fortunate to be a captured audience for. Obviously they had paid attention for a couple of minutes of the four hundred dollars’ worth of classes we paid for.

We couldn’t wait to tell them how proud we were. We had flowers and pride just a bursting.  But wait what’s this? We have a couple more performances to watch? Okay. These kids are pretty cute. I think I can sit here and watch a bit more, but soon I’ve got to get out and get the girls’ lunch for them. They’ve already been without real food for going on six hours now.  They should be really ravenous back there and starting to eye up the “volunteers” by now.

So, I sit through ten more back to back juvenile performances and I’m about to go crazy. I look and on either side of me is completely packed with old people and I don’t know who designed this theatre, but they should be shot. There was as little room to walk between the seats as humanly possible, and there were no isles to break up the number of people you had to crawl over to get to out. With no more than 5 seconds between performances I was never going to get out before the lights came back up. I never thought in a million years I would be one of those rude people who walk out of a performance no matter how bad it was, but I did. I had to. My kids were starving to death, drowning in a prison of hairspray and tutus. When did being over privileged become so strenuous? I think I had had gotten about all the sentimental value I was going to get out of this pony show. To think they still had yet to do another thirty second part in the costume parade.

I made my way over the legion of butt sore grandparents and back stage to my girls. I was overwhelmed with relief. One of my daughters spotted me right off the bat and latched on to me like a little sea urchin. I quickly “checked them out” of the tiny dancers’ green room and headed off to the cafeteria where I was first in line to get them their lunch. We peacefully and a little bit guiltily ate our lunch while everyone else (including my husband and parents) were still pretending to enjoy the show or stuck backstage in their itchy tights. I couldn’t have been more proud of my beautiful girls and me. I did awesome. Everything from there on out was gravy. I knew my kids wouldn’t have to wait long to do their scary squirrel impressions and we’d be out of there.

We were going to leave this experience proud mostly because we didn’t quit even when our kids begged us to let them quit. Were we so proud we can’t wait to sign our kids up for dance next year? Let’s just say we had our professionally filmed DVD and pictures, memory complete.

Why do we do this again? Why do we feel we have to spend a small fortune to give them a little culture, a little fine art appreciation at this age? I’m pretty sure the secret is out. There are lots of parents who are not creative, but who want their kids to be creative and will pay a crap load to try and achieve that goal. The hard truth is, I don’t think we get our money’s worth out of it, but we feel like we’re not giving them all the resources to be as talented or at least as well rounded as we wished they could possibly be. Parents that have been through this tell me if they had known what they know now, they would have just put their kids in a costume parade in the garage and took pictures and video and call it a day. They’re totally right! Forget that the improvisational performance would probably have been more entertaining than what we had just suffered through, but for half of the price we spent total, I could’ve bought the girls some tutus, some boas, some hair paint, slapped some mascara and red lipstick on them and been done with it. Hell, if we held the parade down on 6th street people might just pay ME.

Oh, to be a parent in the suburbs with everything at your fingertips. Businesses tailor made to make you spend every last dime on over-stimulating your young child. “Please pay us to subject your child to the cutest form of torture you’ve ever laid eyes on!” “Hurry up and register your child today!” “There are only limited spots available!” “Don’t let your child feel left out!” I tell you. It’s not that the quality of the education, costumes or the organization was lacking. For the older kids who choose to do this, it’s fabulously realistic when it comes to learning how the theatre really works. However, if you have any inkling of an expectation of seeing your under-five year old “wow” your friends and family because you have your kids involved in some high dollar activities, you’re probably going to be sorely disappointed. No disrespect to their wonderful teacher, who God knows had her work cut out for her with my girls, but I’m not so sure the garage costume parade wouldn’t have given them just as much education in the ways of the theatre as the months of lessons we drove to and fro to in sickness and tears or not. Why couldn’t we have put more effort into making our own show? The quality of the family time would at least have been higher rated. We didn’t even get the pleasure of watching them practice as “distracting parents” were not allowed at rehearsals. Sure it’s “free time” for us, but where’s the involvement except for me donating my wallet, my taxi services and my sanity?

So as we’re walking out of the theatre my husband and I thank the girls for their effort as they noticeably tried very hard to do something that resembled a routine. They smiled proud of their hard work and we reassure them there will be no such torture in the near future. I say to the girls, “Would you maybe like to try singing lessons or piano next time? There won’t be any of this all-day, stuff. We know that was hard on you.” My tiny dancer turns and says to me with her serious face as she had clearly been thinking about it since she walked off that stage, “No. Next time I think I’m going to do Karate.” Oh Lord, have mercy.


Lying Beyond the Trend and Changing Our Cultural Conscience

Do you even know what a lie is anymore? Of, course you do. Really?

Did you know the most important part of a lie isn’t the lie itself? Is it the motive? I mean what’s the first thing your mama asked you when she caught you in a lie? “Why did you lie to me?” Maybe it’s the effect of the lie.

We lie to ourselves and others lie to us because we reinforce on a daily, maybe even hourly basis, that lying is an acceptable way of communicating. This is Pseudos.

Why is Pseudos in particular so dangerous? What happens because of Pseudos?

#1: When we lie to ourselves it sets us up as victims.

#2: When others lie to us we are taken advantage of like victims.

This becomes the perfect psychological weapon.

Introducing…the cultural conscience…

We all have our own sense of needing to achieve. Some of us have higher levels of achievement than others do, but what keeps the achievers reaching for higher goals? Why don’t they become satisfied after one achievement? Maybe it is because, with achievement there comes rewards. We actively, like all animals, try to make the correct decisions and react in the way that will bring us rewards.

Comparing animals such as dogs or horses to humans in personality is one way we can judge if there are any ulterior motives unique to humans. Bear with me. This makes perfect sense, not only because many of us today, consider our pets to be people too, but because going by the five-criteria of personhood, given by the philosopher Mary Anne Warren, in many ways animals actually are people too. To be a person one must meet at least two of the following criteria: “consciousness, self-awareness, has self-actuated motivation, the ability to reason (solve complex problems) and have the ability to communicate.”

Most animals are self-aware, some can solve complex problems, they can communicate, and they are conscious and have self- actuated motivation. Additionally, we have the same basic motivations. Such as, a need for love and belonging, a need for sex, a need for food, water and shelter, a need for safety and security, and finally a need to make the correct decisions. In a rat, that might mean choosing to walk along the phone line instead of crossing the busy street to get home safe. He is rewarded every time he makes it home and punished at every close call on the road. He learns to survive by rewards and punishments. Yet some animals experience much more out of this operant conditioning. A dog not only learns to survive in his master’s home, but also learns to play and receive love and affection. The dog has not merely survived, but actually achieved something some humans never do.

My point is this: if behavior is primarily geared toward making the correct decisions and moving toward achievement in all kinds of people, why do humans lie? What causes our behavior to differ from all other animals in that we tend to partake in a sort of anti-achievement behavior, by lying? Every human does it. What person would admit he or she farted in the elevator? You are the only one who acts like you didn’t do it, so of course, everyone knows it’s you. From then on, everyone calls you stinky and you are humiliated- the most common form of self-defeatism. To humiliate is “to reduce one’s dignity or pride to a lower position” (Webster’s Dictionary). Humans are the only species who do this to themselves. Carl Rogers would say no one can make you feel put down or make you feel like you don’t belong but you. You would never see a dog refuse a bowl of ice cream because he was afraid of gaining weight.

So, what is it, then? Why do we make these semi-automatic decisions that are in the opposite of our basic interests? Besides our language capability, what makes us different from other animals, so much so that we have to tell lies? We have social pressures like nobody on Earth! That’s what makes us different! We have to be smart, we have to be brave, we have to be funny, we have to be rich, we have to be beautiful and we have to face humiliation every day. But why do we have to feel humiliated therefore causing some humans to tell little white lies almost automatically, and almost daily. You wouldn’t see a dog lying to another dog about whether he had food on his nose or not. The other dog would just lick it off, with neither of the dogs feeling humiliated.

In most cases of the individual, whether or not the told and believed lies do damage to others is not as important, because ultimately, it is a self-defeating behavior that brings more harm to the self than anyone else involved. This is mostly due to what I call the spider web theory. It is when strings of inaccurate responses, become a burden on the mind as it is constantly working on untangling it. (Your brain naturally works to keep the lies straight without you getting caught, so to speak.) Most don’t admit they lie on a regular basis to themselves or anyone else. This is in itself a form of Pseudos. They think, if anything, the lying is a symptom or way to deal with all of their other problems. They don’t see lying as the root of them, so it continues.

And consciously or not, this constant burden on the mind causes people not to sleep well, causing stress and illness, they tend to be more forgetful and they misplace things more often. They, more importantly tend to lose the trust of friends more often. They don’t realize that the lying is the root of much of the unhappiness and stress in their lives. As Bandura reports, there is something called “TRIADIC RECIPROCAL DETERMINISM”, meaning the world and a person’s behavior cause each other. “People do not simply react to environmental events; they actively create their own environments and act to change them.” I hate to sound like an old fogy, but it really seems that with progress we have literally lost touch with what’s important in life. We’re all busy spinning and untangling our webs. Sooner or later those little individual webs are going to get tangled with each other and we’ll all be stuck in one huge web of frustration and confusion.

That huge tangled web of frustration and confusion is our cultural conscience out of control.

So, are we really “losing touch” as society becomes more modernized? Can we help it? Do we have the skills to choose to be honest, caring people? Well, that takes self-discipline which ironically is taught to us by someone else. (Typically, it’s our parents.) Now you’re saying, discipline? My parents? Ha! Let me just say, I’m with you. With the absence of discipline in general in our society we can clearly see the environment we are creating just by watching reality television. These people are freaks of nature… but then there are a lot of them.

Could it be as Karen Horney suggests? We envy justifiable qualities we find in our culture and we can’t help but feel anxious about achieving them. Perfect relationships, power, recognition and prestige. Or can we overcome, like Carl Rogers says? That no one can make us feel inferior except for ourselves?

It could also be that we all have Horney’s “neurotic needs” to some extent. All ten of them in fact. (And that’s Karen Horney’s neurotic needs not horny neurotic needs, for all you perverts out there.) I’d list them and their explanations here, but that’s a whole ‘nother book. The most important of which, to all of us, is that we never lose our status. Many will lie no matter what the cost in order to preserve this status. And this is where Homey and I agree.

Most of us are terrified of being humiliated. Some of us, to the point where it doesn’t even register that telling the truth would cause far less anxiety, than what we will later experience from the constant avoidance of such humiliation. Like I said before, our technology allows us to avoid this much easier almost completely, but as Bandura relays, the avoidance of such pain can lead to illness caused by stress or worse, could lead to psychopathology. In fact, George Kelly believes we don’t naturally respond to the environment truthfully in order to avoid pain, but to maximize our understanding of our accurate, true view of the world.

So, why do we complicate the world with silly little white lies? I theorize, that if we are feeling weak against the many pressures of the world, our judgment, in our process of Self-Regulation, becomes overridden by the “Cultural Conscience” and we respond in a behavior that pushes us almost automatically, in the way of making a response based on cultural and social influences. It’s like a defense mechanism, a filter in the preconscious mind, that other animals have no concept of, but that we use like instinct in order to avoid more social pressure.

I have a good friend who tried to make his point with this quote that something about how cuttlefish change their appearance to camouflage themselves from predators and are they lying because they do this? Let me just say that the people I’m talking about are so confused that if they were lying to do something so humble as protect themselves from predators their equivalent answer to disguising themselves would be pink camouflage and designer sunglasses. They want to be hidden but not “too hidden” if you know what I mean.


Pistol Packing Mamas Unite

I keep looking down at a scratch I have on my palm because it reminds me of my friend’s deep funky scar she has in the same place.  Well her’s is almost a scar, a barely closed wound really; still healing from trying to block the knife that stabbed her.

Let me just say that if you have any best friends that you have not gotten in touch with in a while, I highly recommend just calling and saying hello because the chances that they may need you are great.

What I thought was going to be a lovely Sunday evening reuniting with one of my old friends turned out to be a very rude awakening for me.  This friend is one that I consider one of the best and one I know I’ll always be friends with no matter how few and far between our visits are.  You meet few people in your life that hold this ranking, but you know them when you meet them.  They’re like your friend soul mate.  It was lovely, don’t get me wrong.  It felt very good to make the face to face connection again, but what she told me I had missed over the year completely rocked my world.

As things often go, my friend and I don’t get much contact anymore in that we’ve moved on to different cities and started families, etc. etc. So it’s not unusual when one of us goes MIA for a while.  We just get busy and after a while get together on Facebook or email and catch up.  Add the fact that most of my family and old friends live in Houston which is a place I rarely visit anymore and well, you tend to miss some things.

If you must know why I don’t like Houston, being that I was born and raised there, I don’t like it because well, Houston is getting to be a dangerous shit hole. Not to put too fine a point on it.  I don’t mean the whole place is a cesspool of crime by anymeans, because that’s just not acurate.  There are some fantasic parts of Houston that everyone wants to be in.  Austin has it’s share of daily tragedy too.  Every big city has them, but let’s just say Houston is very big and has a lot of room for crazies.  I used to feel so safe when growing up there.  Now?  Not so much. Hey, check the history books.  Even Sam thought it was a shit hole.

Okay, obviously I didn’t always feel this way about my home town and obviously I’m completely spoiled living where I live now, in typically safe west Austin.  While I’m in danger of being accused of being a snob for feeling this way, I really can’t help but make the connection between Houston’s crime rate and the ever increasing tragedy that is recently plagued my friends and family as of late.  I could go on and on about the horrible things that have happened of late in and around Houston, mostly because of drugs, but not necessarily.  Things that you would maybe expect in New York or LA, not the subs of H-town.  I actually saw my grandparents’ house featured on the reality show The First 48, which is a reality show about gathering as much information about a murder in the first 48 hours of an investigation. The 20-something year old that lived across the street had her head nearly completey severed by an angry ex-boyfriend.  Seriously, people, just as a conscientious observer looking in from the outside, I can tell it is not the town I used to know.

To put it in perspective for you, I got my first real job in the Woodlands and spent many a late college night on the backstage security staff of the Cynthia Woods Mitchel Pavilion. Me, 115 lbs. me…on security detail.  That’s about how much people were afraid of getting jacked in the Woodlands.  At that time, my worst and only fear of living in Houston was that I had to drive on I-45 every day.

But a decade (or so) later, just the other day a woman was shot to death in the Woodlands just taking her baby to the pediatrician. Probably where my mom used to take me.  Some crazy person decided (with the help of another crazy person no less) that they wanted a baby and that all they would have to do is take it.  So they stalked the woman, and when the timing was right the person grabbed the nine day old right out of his mother’s arms.  Of course the mother fought like hell so the crazy lady shot her dead and drove off with the baby.  Hours later the criminals were caught and the baby was rescued thank God.  They really had no plan other than taking it and going home.  How on earth did they think they would get away with that?  What are the chances of having two crazy people taking so much uncalculated risk?  Is the desperation per person in Houston higher?   Maybe, but my best guess is that the environment of crime and the prevalence of it being so high in such a large population, aids psychos in thinking: Hey, what the hell.

When I go everything kind of looks familiar, but there’s just something that’s not quite right.  Kind of like nephews and nieces you haven’t seen in a while.  The last picture you had of them they were so cute wearing their little soccer uniforms and the next thing you know they’re all hairy and joining the military.  The change is unnerving to say the least.  But to those who have grown up there and plan on staying there, I swear it’s like they hardly even notice anything but the traffic.

I guess it’s one thing to have a home where you feel safe and quite another to be a visitor having to stay in a hotel somewhere off I-45 where the pimps keep their BMW’s running out front, no matter how long they plan on staying.  The fact that I’m also a writer which makes me a little paranoid and reclusive by nature doesn’t help my uneasiness.

I know my friends and family don’t feel the same way because they’re used to it.  Of course it seems like a harsher more superficial perspective I have as a “visitor,” but as someone who did live there most of my life, to me, it seems like the old friendly Texan environment is gone and I just don’t think it’s worth it to ever go back. Usually, like Stevie Nicks I keep my visions to myself because I know I’d hurt their feelings by dogging our hometown.  When I bring up moving away from Houston they just sigh and tell me they’re husbands will never move, they share custody with an ex-spouse who will never move, they’ve got a good job in this economy, what have you.  Then I sigh and think: well, if they’re used to it then that’s good, because most of them are never going to have a choice.  They have put down roots.  I respect that so I back off.  There is usually no more to say, but the events that have recently come to light regarding my loved ones and my home town have made me rethink everything.

I don’t know why it’s worse there than in other towns, but the crime is bound to touch you in one way or another if you live there.  It’s touching me lately, and I don’t even live there.  The thing is, it’s not the town.  It’s the people and the times we live in.  As much as I want to blame Houston, that really doesn’t help.

First of all, Houston being Houston is not the reason violence happens to good people.  There is tragedy and crazy people everywhere, but that’s exactly why I am specifically saying this to women no matter where you are no matter what your situation.

Imagine you and your best friend and why you are best friends.  It’s probably because you tend to have very similar goals in your lives, similar personalities, maybe even the same strengths and weaknesses, that including men.  I know my best friends tend to be pleasers like me.  We have trouble saying no to people we love and have even more trouble dealing with the guilt on the rare occasion that we do.  Now imagine you two going through similar situations; getting married and each having a child.  You both have beautiful little girls that look just like you.  Now imagine one of you having marital problems.  That’s not too hard to imagine; everybody has those.  Now it gets a little tricky.  What if those marital problems were caused by him having a mental health problem like bi-polar disorder?  That’s common enough, could still be you.  What if those health problems were exacerbated by drug abuse?  Why not? We’re close enough to that around here with our beer and coffee habits.   I can see that happening to me.  So far, maybe you are exactly in the same boat.  But one day, something sets you apart without you ever knowing it’s even happened.

At a certain point the anguish becomes too much and plans have to be made to get out of the marriage without setting off any mental explosions.  This would have to be done quietly and without the knowledge or help of any friends.  As fate would have it, the husband who has mental health and then drug problems goes to jail for a while, making an easier exit for the wife possible.  A divorce is finalized and a bit of relief begins to set in.  There’s a hitch though.  The “changed man” who never has been physically violent wants to see his daughter; supervised of course.  This still kind of sounds like a pretty typical divorce these days, does it not?  After a while of witnessing truly rehabilitated behavior the wife is ready to let her guard down just a little, for the sake of being civil and for the sake of the child’s relationship with her father.  For the sake of gas mileage, I can honestly say, I’d had let the father of my child know my address.  Especially if I truly thought he was not a violent person and no longer on drugs.

So which one of you would you choose the next set events happen to?  The father comes to help the mother paint their four year old daughter’s room.  Together they paint it a beautiful shade of violet.  Then they clean up putting the little girl to bed, exhausted from an exciting day with mommy and daddy again for the first time in a long time.  Happily ever after is just a beer clink away.  She kneels down to pick up something off the floor when she feels the cold of a knife to her throat.  Only when she hears the vicious words hissing out of his mouth that he’s there to kill her does she recognize that it actually is a knife.  She fights for her life waking everyone in the house and nearby neighbors with her blood curdling screams.  Her four year old little girl comes running in and watches in horror as her father stabs her mother five times aiming for all her major organs.    As a student of anatomy there is no question he knows what he is trying to hit.  Somehow although now starting to black out, she is able to fight her way to the handgun he had no idea she had and she shoots him… and kills him.

My friend says all she could think about was not passing out and getting to that gun because she knew he would kill her daughter too if she failed.

If you haven’t guessed by now, I can no longer identify at this point and my guess is neither can you.  The words are going in, but no comprende’, you know what I’m saying?  The absolute truth of it all is that there is no reason that it couldn’t have been me or you.   Hell, she and I met because of our involvement with a crazy guy we once dated and between the two of us, we didn’t really date all that much.  It could have been me in that situation and I hate to say it, but I don’t think I would be able to get to my gun.  Then I realized I would have been a victim of my own Pseudos.  I heard them when I bought the gun that I really would have to own the fact that I would have to kill someone if ever I had to use it.  I believed them that it was absolutely the way it was going to be, but I never understood or felt the gravity of that until now.

Social psychologists say that upon hearing about a tragedy in general we try like crazy to see/find out who it happened to so that we can identify with the victim in some way.  (This is their explanation for rubber necking.) Then shortly after that, the second thing we want to find out is what exactly happened and every little detail about how because we want to rule out any chances that the scenario could ever happen to us.  In essence, we then desperately try to UN-identify with the situation.  Basically it’s nature’s way of calming us down when we are not in any immediate danger. But I tell you, I’m having a hell of a time “un-identifying” with this one.  I don’t see how any of us can.  I don’t see how any woman can hear this story and not want to get a gun and learn to use it.  If you can, let me just add one more thing. While my friend was lying there bleeding to death on the floor having just shot her husband, and desperate just to let someone, anyone, know that she had life insurance in case she didn’t make it, 911 put her on hold.  That alone is evidence enough to know you can’t count on anyone to come save you.  I don’t know which is more disturbing.  That Houston’s 911 can put you on hold in a situation like that or that they are so busy with crisis in that city that they have to put you on hold in the first place.

If you happen to be like my friends and family and have deep roots in a shitty town, I wish for you to be aware that just because you’re “used to it” doesn’t mean you are prepared for it.  While many get used to being unprepared and will never be comfortable defending themselves because of how they were raised, I mean no disrespect.  You are not a weak person by choosing not to own a gun.  I’m mainly talking to the ladies out there who go the lengths of getting a gun, but never touch it as the thought of ever having to use it seems too intimidating to fathom.   I’m guilty of this and I admit it.

We convince ourselves we’ll never have to use it.  We have it “just in case” but we never want to think about “the case” in which we would have to kill someone.  We walk around as mothers thinking we can do anything if we put our minds to it, but because most of us refuse to think like men, we become victims of them more often than we have to.

Now I’m going to get in all kinds of trouble for saying that, but my point is that men are wired in ways that we don’t want to comprehend.  They think of scenarios women may think are extremely violent or vulgar, but in their minds are just simply scenarios…possibilities.  None the less, we can’t think like them and seriously, we shouldn’t want to.  Maybe that is why we tend to put an emotional price tag on everything we think of because that’s how we get hurt the most.  Physical pain isn’t something we are all that afraid of or foreign to, but something we don’t seek out either.   Subjects like guns and how we’re going to blow someone away just aren’t something we typically fantasize about.  But this I’m sorry to say, puts us at a disadvantage in an ever increasingly violent environment.  What can we do but take certain precautions?

The fact is it’s not usually the strangers from the bad environment you have to be worried about.  It’s the people you surrounded yourself with voluntarily and care about who inadvertently are influenced by the bad environment and end up hurting you.  After what I heard last night about my girlfriend’s survival story, I can assure you, now is the time to get paranoid.

Ann Coulter said recently that everyone should get a gun.  I’m going to second that motion, but I also want to add that if you happen to be a woman, you should especially get a gun and learn how to use it well.  Ninja training is a little difficult, but if you want to do that, I think that might be the only viable alternative.  If a man is out to murder his wife, the cards are stacked heavily in his favor.  If you take away the fear of getting caught and going to jail, as in a murder suicide situation- the likelihood of a man being able to carry out his wishes is fairly easy.  Add an environment where there are about 290 murders/homicides a year happened and you’ve got a reason to get a gun and know how to use it well. Out of those I found there were at least 20 murder suicides and attempts in the area.  You know how many there were in NY City NY? Try six.  Crime on the decline? Ha!  I think maybe 10 less people were murdered last year than the year before.  Congratulations.  You did better than Afghanistan.

I’m about to get in trouble again but I’m pretty sure this is true. We women are forever suckers when it comes to the father of our children and they know this, deep.  There is just something inside them that knows that if they are really patient and concentrate on how, they can make us believe anything.    We want the happily ever after no matter what we have to go through to get it.  The phrase “I’m a changed man” should be a red light to every woman, because we all know “deep” that it’s impossible, but we ignore it anyway.  We love so deep and become so dependent on our spouse when we have a family even if that dependence is a hindrance to our health.  My point is we never know who will hurt us the most or how far someone will go to hurt us until many times it’s beyond our control.  And when this person happens to be a man, and maybe even a man who knows your particular weaknesses, what are you prepared to do to save yourself and possibly your children as well?  How many scenarios have you gone over in your head about just what you would have to do if you needed to escape a male attacker?  Have you ever thought of what you would do if the attacker was your husband?  I know I for one, I don’t want to think about that.  Honestly, with a gun I don’t have to give it much thought.

If I am trained well enough with my gun, I know where it is and I know I can get to it in an emergency, I don’t think about who I’ll have to shoot or why.  I just know I can and that I will if someone comes after my babies.  I am no longer an ultra-vulnerable, uber-trusting wife.  I am now a force to be reckoned with and I have no qualms about reminding my husband of that every chance I get.  Not that I think he’d ever do anything to harm me, but it serves like a reminder of the fact that I can take care of myself if he’s not around; either physically or mentally… if you know what I mean.   Look, it’s not any different than leaving out the tampon box in the bathroom around your period.  It’s just a subtle reminder to the man that he needs to leave you the hell alone.

I can only say this.  My friend and her daughter are alive today because she had a handgun and she used it…well.  After all the time she spent planning and lengths she went to in order to just stay away from the danger, the one moment she let her guard down  was the one moment evil took advantage of.   She was able to save herself with nothing but shear will power and that gun.  At some point she felt her husband or an intruder would be more of a danger to have around than a gun and for that correct decision she is still alive today to watch sailboats, talk about the Cure and drink red wine with me.  My friend isn’t any different from us, well, other than the fact that she is an absolute hero.